Matan Torah, Marriage and the Channeling of Divine Desire

 

In Parshas Yisro, as the Jewish people prepare for the receiving of the Torah, we find a fascinating concept brought out in Exodus 19:15. In addition to the preparations including the washing of clothing and placing a boundary around Har Sinai, we also find that the Torah instructs the Jewish people to stay away from intimate relations for 3 days prior to the Giving of the Torah.

Exodus 19:15

וַיֹּ֙אמֶר֙ אֶל־הָעָ֔ם הֱי֥וּ נְכֹנִ֖ים לִשְׁלֹ֣שֶׁת יָמִ֑ים אַֽל־תִּגְּשׁ֖וּ אֶל־אִשָּֽׁה

And he said to the nation, “Be ready for the third day: do not go near a woman.”



Rashi, quoting the Gemara in Shabbos 86a says that this is specifically referring to refraining from intimate relations. On a simple level, this was due to spiritual purity, that as the Jewish people prepared for the prophetic experience of receiving the Torah, they needed to be in a state of Tahara, hence the separation.


Only much later in the Torah, in Devarim 5:27 does the Torah share with us the narrative that after those 3 days, Hashem instructed the Jewish people to reunite with their spouses, as it says:


Devarim 5:27

לֵ֖ךְ אֱמֹ֣ר לָהֶ֑ם שׁ֥וּבוּ לָכֶ֖ם לְאׇהֳלֵיכֶֽם׃

Go, say to them, ‘Return to your tents.’


Our sages in the Gemara in Beitza 5a and many other places describe that this was specifically referring to the reunification of husband and wife.


OK, seems pretty straight forward. But as we’ve discussed together before, the Torah has hidden layers and dimensions that even simple ideas can unfold into the most deep and profound concepts… and here will be no different.


Let’s ask a few questions from some other sources and you’ll see what I mean.


The Midrash in Bereshis Rabba 36:1 shares the most peculiar insight. It says that humanity prior to the flood, used to give birth 3 days after conception. And you know where it learns that strange idea from? Our very Passuk talking about preparing for Kabalas Hatorah!


Huh? What does one thing have to do with the other? And is that even biologically possible? What deeper truth are the sages trying to impart to us with these cryptic words?


Keep this question in mind as we go even further.


The Gemara in Avodah Zara 5a has an interesting debate. The Gemara considers the possibility that every Jew at Har Sinai was elevated to the level of an angel and ostensibly had brought the world back to the state prior to the Sin of the Tree. They were now immortal and would have lived forever. Based on this premise, they had no need to sire children to create a next generation because they themselves were beyond time.


The Gemara brings a proof against this idea from our verse in Devarim 5:27, where Hashem instructs the Jewish people after Har Sinai to return to their turns and resume intimate married lives. Seems like a strong source that procreation would have continued even in their angelic post-Sinai state.


The Gemara, in conclusion rejects this by asserting that yes, they were told to resume relations, but it wouldn’t have been to have children, it would have only been to achieve לְשִׂמְחַת עוֹנָה, the joy of intimacy.


Well that’s an interesting concept! If they were on such a high spiritual level, couldn’t they just learn pure Torah from the mouth of Hashem and bask in His radiance? Why did they need to sink back into this world and experience the pleasure of the flesh?


To answer all of these questions, let’s shift our focus on the penetrating insight of the 16th century kabbalist, Rabbi Elijah de Vidas in his Sefer Reishis Chochmah. In the end of the 4th chapter on the section of the Love of God, he describes what we would typically assume from mystical religious texts, someone who rises above and transcends this world, connecting directly with the Light of God’s Infinite Presence.


But then he pivots and shares a curve ball we would have never expected. He says that the ascetic path in life is a mistake and that if one numbs one’s physical drives to the point that he has no desire for women and intimacy, he is worse than a donkey and has no connection to Godliness whatsoever.


Our prototypical holy man is completely cut down and cast lower than the animals. Why?


The Reishis Chochmah goes on to explain that there is a ladder to climb and skipping one step will drop you from the entire process. The only way that one can build real desire and drive in this world is to start with the physical world around us. That desire for sexuality which consumes so much attention of humanity is actually built like that on purpose, and it is the first step to climbing the ladder, channeling that desire and drive for the Love of Hashem.


Woah.


A much deeper understanding about the preparation for Matan Torah emerges. Hashem specifically instructed the Jewish people to separate from their spouses, not only to purify their bodies, but to increase their desire on a physical level which would manifest in their yearning to receive the Torah on a spiritual level.


Even once they assumed the level of super-human angels, transcending the need to even procreate, Hashem encouraged them to resume relations, not for biological reasons, but to connect solely to the joy of intimacy, and though that, awaken their love of each other and ultimately of God Himself.


But this Avodah has a challenge. The potential pitiful is being pulled too much into this world and engaging in physicality as an end to itself. Those who run after pleasure are never satisfied with pleasure and this is what went wrong with the generation before the flood.


They took that Godly drive for intimacy and procreation and cut it off from its source. When the Torah tells us that prior to the flood the land became corrupt, our Sages teach us this specifically refers to sexual misconduct and a breakdown of boundaries. Man and man, man and animal, no respect of marriage and holiness.


Hashem didn’t punish them with a flood. Through their actions they corrupted the fabric of creation and society, they brought the world back to chaos, Tohu. The waters of the flood was the consequence of their actions that broke down the human structure of sanctity and order.


This is what the sages are alluding to with the 3 day gestation.


No mammal on the planet gives birth after 3 days. They knew that very well. But flies and mosquitos do. Low investment into the next generation. No value of individual life. When man had taken his desire to procreate and fallen into his own lusts, he had in fact sunk lower than the animals and gestation symbolically took on new meaning.


And this is all learned out from the same Passuk as Klal Yisrael prepares to meet their Maker and receive His Divine wisdom.


We were charged with the mission of channeling and elevating our base drives, which would in turn soar us to the highest of levels, cleaving directly to the Light of Ein Sof.


But if not, we would fall lower than the animals, corrupting us and the world around us, severing our connection to the Creator of the Universe.

Simply to quell our drives and desires would itself create a subhuman incapable of receiving the Divine.


Only the challenge of the middle path, engaging, channeling and elevating would be the path of the Holy Torah for all times. L’Chaim.

The sources for this idea can be found here: https://voices.sefaria.org/sheets/705912?lang=bi